Feb232026
Family Law Q&A Series

What can I do if my spouse abandoned the marriage and won’t communicate except for occasional calls? – North Carolina

Short Answer

In North Carolina, a spouse’s lack of communication does not prevent moving forward with a divorce, but it can affect how the case must be served and what claims should be filed before the divorce is finalized. If the spouses have lived separate and apart for one year and at least one spouse has lived in North Carolina for six months, an absolute divorce can be filed even if the other spouse will not cooperate. When the spouse’s location is unknown, the key practical step is using the court-approved service methods (including service by publication after a documented diligent search).

Understanding the Problem

In North Carolina family law, the central question is: can a spouse move forward with a divorce when the other spouse left the marital home, will not meaningfully communicate, and cannot be located for paperwork? The issue usually turns on whether the one-year separation requirement has been met and whether the court can obtain proper service of process on the missing spouse. The situation often also raises a timing concern because some financial claims must be asserted before the divorce judgment is entered.

Apply the Law

North Carolina allows an absolute divorce based on one year of living separate and apart, as long as at least one spouse has been a North Carolina resident for six months before filing. The court still must have proper service of the divorce lawsuit on the other spouse; if the spouse cannot be found after a diligent search, the court can allow service by publication under the North Carolina Rules of Civil Procedure. Separately, abandonment can matter in North Carolina as a form of “marital misconduct” for spousal support issues and as a potential ground for a divorce from bed and board (a court-ordered separation), but those are different from an absolute divorce.

Key Requirements

  • Eligibility to file for absolute divorce: The spouses must have lived separate and apart for at least one year, and at least one spouse must have lived in North Carolina for at least six months before filing.
  • Proper service on the missing spouse: The court must be satisfied that the spouse was served using an allowed method (personal service, acceptance, mail service where permitted, or publication after a documented diligent search).
  • Protecting related claims before the divorce is final: If spousal support (postseparation support/alimony) or property division (equitable distribution) may be needed, those claims should be filed in time so they are not lost when the absolute divorce is entered.

What the Statutes Say

Analysis

Apply the Rule to the Facts: The facts describe a spouse who left the marital home, will not communicate reliably, and cannot currently be located. If the spouses have already lived separate and apart for at least one year and at least one spouse has lived in North Carolina for six months, an absolute divorce case can be filed under North Carolina law. The main obstacle is not “permission” from the missing spouse; it is completing valid service of process, which may require a documented diligent search and then service by publication if the spouse remains unlocatable.

Because abandonment can affect spousal support in North Carolina, it may be important to evaluate whether a postseparation support or alimony claim should be filed while the divorce is pending. It can also be important to file equitable distribution in time if property and debts need to be divided, especially when the other spouse is not cooperating and there is concern about assets disappearing or bills going unpaid.

For readers facing this scenario, a related discussion may be helpful: start a divorce when a spouse cannot be located.

Process & Timing

  1. Who files: The spouse seeking divorce (plaintiff). Where: North Carolina District Court (typically filed with the Clerk of Superior Court in the county where filing is proper). What: A verified Complaint for Absolute Divorce and a civil summons; if the spouse cannot be found, a motion/affidavit showing a diligent search is usually needed to request service by publication. When: After the spouses have lived separate and apart for one full year and at least one spouse has lived in North Carolina for six months before filing.
  2. Service step: Attempt service using permitted methods under North Carolina civil rules (often personal service by sheriff or certified mail/other allowed methods). If those fail, document the search efforts (for example, checking last known address, contacting known relatives in a non-harassing way, checking available public records, and other reasonable leads) and then request court permission to serve by publication.
  3. Finish the divorce: After service is completed and the required waiting/response periods and local scheduling steps are satisfied, the court can enter a Judgment for Absolute Divorce. Many counties handle uncontested absolute divorce by paperwork review or a short hearing, but timing varies by county and by the service method used.

Exceptions & Pitfalls

  • Service mistakes can undo the case: If service does not strictly follow the rules (especially publication service), the divorce judgment can be vulnerable to challenge later. Careful documentation of “due diligence” efforts matters.
  • Do not finalize divorce before protecting key claims: Depending on the situation, rights involving equitable distribution and spousal support can be affected if they are not asserted before the absolute divorce is entered. A case strategy should address property division and support early, not after the divorce is final.
  • Abandonment is not required for absolute divorce: A spouse can obtain an absolute divorce based on one-year separation even if the other spouse did not “abandon” the marriage in the legal sense. Abandonment tends to matter more for support issues and for divorce from bed and board claims.

Conclusion

In North Carolina, a spouse’s refusal to communicate usually does not stop an absolute divorce. The controlling requirements are (1) one year living separate and apart and (2) six months of North Carolina residency for at least one spouse before filing, plus (3) proper service of the divorce papers, which may require service by publication after a documented diligent search. A practical next step is to file a verified divorce complaint and immediately start the service process, using publication only after reasonable search efforts are documented.

Talk to a Family Law Attorney

If a spouse left the marital home, cannot be located, and will not cooperate, a divorce can still be possible—but the service rules and timing issues can be unforgiving. Our firm has experienced attorneys who can help explain options for locating and serving a missing spouse and for protecting related claims while the divorce is pending. Call us today at [919-341-7055].

Disclaimer: This article provides general information about North Carolina law based on the single question stated above. It is not legal advice for your specific situation and does not create an attorney-client relationship. Laws, procedures, and local practice can change and may vary by county. If you have a deadline, act promptly and speak with a licensed North Carolina attorney.

Category: Family Law Q&A Series

Author: Pierce Law

Pierce Law Group is a North Carolina law firm focused on probate administration, real estate partition matters, and surplus funds claims across North Carolina. We know these situations often come with stress, family dynamics, and time-sensitive decisions—so we prioritize clear communication, steady guidance, and a practical plan from day one. Our goal is to make a complicated process feel manageable, while protecting what matters most to you.